It probably comes as no surprise that individuals who ultimately decide to divorce had their first thought about that possibility more than a year before it actually happens and often many years! I have a divorced friend that was married for more than 15 years, even though she left him for the first time in the first year!!! Talk about red flags! But even with early signs, the decision to dissolve a marriage is a very tough one. Many choose to just stay and still only find the resolution when the spouse you’ve been thinking of leaving for so long, up and leaves you.
Why does that happen? Why do we wait so long? Why do we sacrifice so much? Well, I’m not a psychologist but I’ve spent my fair share of time studying the ins and outs of divorce. Having just about seen it all, I can share what I know for sure.
What I know for sure:
When people say “for better or worse” most actually mean it! They go in committed to work through anything. But sacrificing self sometimes is not healthy.
If your marriage is really hard work, you’re married to the wrong person.
If you don’t like the person you are most days, you’re with the wrong person.
If you feel bullied, controlled, ignored, or completely misunderstood, you’re with the wrong person.
If you’re staying together for the kids, you’re hurting your kids, not helping them.
Kids need to see a model of a healthy love relationship or they will not know how to have one.
The right relationship is nearly effortless.
The right mate inspires you and you want to become a better person just for them because you feel so lucky.
Food for thought.